Life has its way of changing people. As for me, I dont know how Ive been this someone who cannot stick for something permanent. I guess, I get used of change that I literally live with it. Perhaps, my mood swing is one of the factors. But I think in this world, having permanent people, attitude, likes, dislikes, interests, and other things that soon vary will make you the old you. People can disagree with me on that. But I just think that having the same things around me will make me feel lousy. I got tired easily on things and on people. Maybe I haven't had anything and anyone worthwhile for the longest time. All I see on those people is the facade and I cant seem to get in because whenever I thought I was inside, I realized it is still the frontage.
Some people are contented with their status even if they say that they have dreams to fulfill. You cant really see it on them by the way they act. I dont know why they live a life wasting their time being stupid all the time. Yes, everyday of their lives.
Somehow, I got stupid but I know my limitation on being one.
I have friends but I dont know who really they are. Most of the time I think they are just a word to be called. I know its a mean thing to say because there are still some others who are trying to be true to me and who really cares, too. I just cant help thinking that Im facing these people but I dont know who they are in a sense that you're going with them just because of company. I used to care a lot about friendships but right now, I dont know if someone still deserves it. Others, maybe.
I really came into this point questioning their friendship but I couldn't really mind because I didn't want it to be a big deal. I learned to follow the flow. I learned to be the person that they are.
I'm tired now because it's been a long road of life. And my college life is just a mere halfway of my journey. It doesn't end there.

I read my past entries and I realized how immature they are. But then, I post them as real as my emotion at that time so okay lang. Sometimes people arrive at this point of their lives and I really wont mind if that happened to me.

Last week, I was so confused about my feelings for a guy which, for two days, made me really anxious. And now I can say Im over thinking about everything... Because Ive wanted to forget whatever I feel for him since it is not proper to fall for someone who's in love with my friend. Ganun lang pala yun, if you have the real drive to stop anything like that much earlier, your life wont get too complicated.

Eh pano yun? My life's already a one big complicated thing. Redundant na masyado kung hahayaan kong pumasok pa sya sa eksena.

Actually, Im eyeing someone else now. Wala lang, it just so happen that appeal can get too much attention from me. I like the attitude, man. If only the stay was extended, I would definitely hold this infatuation a little bit longer. But anyway, I got a connection how I can possibly keep track of him.

Speaking of cute guys. I went to my best friend's place before the second sem started and we went to a bar. Luckily, there was a cute keyboardist named TJ. No, he's not really cute. He is damn gorgeous, and defintely rocked my night.

Ah puro guys na lang tong laman ng entry ko. I better stop here or else, I'd be writing a super boring entry.

By the way, we have a Red Cross training until Wednesday of next week. Its kinda fun and it chnages the toxic atmosphere at school. And speaking of which, we'll have our thesis this sem. So much for a punishment.

first and foremost, i just wanna clear that im not really in love. the poem below is just a splurge-of-the-moment feeling and i cant mean it anymore. liking a person so much is as fast as falling out of love. thats my current verdict. but now, im simply looking to horizon and reminiscing the faces of very special people. they are the one who can put a smile into my face and can make my day complete by just simply showing up.

who are they? i dont know exactly who are to point. what matters to me right now is that i know who they are and id stay happy with all the reasons i can have with no guilt or whatsoever.

***

i hadnt been home for the past two weeks and the experience was so much fun. there were sacrifices but i was able to get through them. i didnt thought it would turned out like that but i honestly loved the experience. it was incomparable though it is just one of the events yet to come. im tired but i dont feel such a heavy feeling in me. i mean, i went home happily with all the memories ive had at my 2 weeks absence from home.

i couldnt come up a start of any stories... just to summarized it all, IT WAS FUN, exciting, and a whole lot of adventure.

im high with happiness
i feel like im gonna get the the whole universe beside me
its like flying with wings
anywhere i look around, its your gorgeous face that i see
hypnotizing me to fall over and over to the ground
but on the painless field of heaven
i want you to be beside me each and every tick of the clock
i dont care even there is silence between us
as long as i know you're there, i know im safe
im safe because you're my refuge, my armour, my heart's desire
and without you, im lost
im forever lost
i want to embrace you with care
and put you on trappings of love
you're giving me the reason to go for my dream
because its my dream to be with you
never had i felt this much bliss
never had i likened someone this big time
it only happened when you came
and i will treasure this for every single day of my life
it may seem so early to say but i definitely engrave the words in the oldest tree
for i want you and me to be together
from this day forward until the day God will tell me to let go of you
i love you so much and no matter how i say it,
it will mean the same
and if hurt cannot be avoided through out this process of loving you,
i would still go through it
swordless, armless,
id fight for you until the last air that i breathe
for if you die, i would die too
simply because you are now MY LIFE.

Went home at around past 10pm. Our school is the host for this year's NCAA-South.

Next time na nga iba pang update. Pagod na ko. Leche may make-up duty pa bukas. Buti sana kung may cute from 'that' school, sus naman. Ewan basta yun na yun.

Guess what? For many years, something happened for the second time officially!!!

( I got drunk! )

Many things have happened for the past weeks and I got so lazy to blog them.



( I took shot of these drugs during duty )

I personally dont know how to cope with lost or lets rather say death of a loved one. My last experience was when my lola in my mother side died (I think) 4 years ago. I shed tears, of course, regretting that I talked to her rarely during my visit there. All I remember was she's the malambing na lola but since I was stubborn as a child, we dont have any bonding moments to mark. It only hurt when she died because that was the time I've just came to realized how bad I was to not even have more time with her during that particular vacation.

That regret struck me. It always does whenever I heard stories regarding sudden death and things related to that.

My close friend's father passed away this morning and I completely understand how painful it is for her and her family as well. It was like just yesterday that she told me that she just got home from Heart Center because her dad was in the ICU and she had to do her assignments pa.

I wanted to call her but my first try was rejected maybe because her phone's lowbat. Second try this evening was also not a success. Empty bat na siguro. I just texted her few times but she was not replying. That was okay since what matters to me is that she knows Im here.

Actually, many things have happened to me this past few weeks about my duties, other school-related things, and gimmicks I had but I dont make it to type a post about them only now that I have mix emotions to let out through this. You see, that friend of mine is so nice to me during our YFC active days and I just cant help to get affected by what she's going through.

I honestly dont want to put my shoes over her to realize few things but every time things like this happen, there's always the urge telling me to make up with my father. And I keep on ignoring it even if I went through crying upon realization. My dad and I are okay but for me, inside me, there is anger--something I cannot just put away. And that something cannot easily be understood by some people. Though Im praying he's gonna live more years and who knows, all those bad feelings I have right now towards him will fade in due time.

Right now, every second of the day, I just wanna tell to that friend,
"Sis, I'm just here when you need me."

I was glued on watching TV the whole day and now I'm facing my computer. I'm a bummer but doing things like this don't bore me. I mean with the things I do in school, I just missed doing simple things like that. There were times it gets boring because flipping channels mean you don't find any show that interests you.

Ewan ko minsan I find myself so attached with dreams and fantasies. In those, I can be carefree and worry-free with everything. I can be myself without thinking I might be judge or something. Ako lang may alam nun eh. AKO LANG.

I wished things were not this complicated and just live life whatever way I want without thinking about the future. Siguro nga marami pa kong hindi naiintindihan about life and reality. I could comprehend some but I defintely lack in experience to totally say I fully understand the real world and all. Shet parang pinoy big brother!! real world!! hahaha!

( click here to continue )

Battle talaga eh no?

I'm talking about my exams. We had an exam on Community Health Dev't and Strategies in Health Education yesterday. Knowing Dr. Iballo as the man behind the difficult Anatomy and Physiology exams, I fret out when he walks in to our class which only means that he's going to be our professor.

( PERO... )

School is boring, a little crappy sometimes, tiring (of course!) but I appreciate what it is for---educating my wrecked brain.

We dont do a lot of moving or carrying, it's tiring because nursing can used up all your energy saved up from the weekend in just 8 hours! Okay, we do walk in our community duty and it's more tiring, but geez just going to school and do the stuffs students do is nonetheless DULL.

( But hey! )

No classes today because there is a typhoon pero maganda na naman ang araw ngayon kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ngayon pa sila nag-declare ng walang pasok samantalang kahapon ang lakas ng ulan. I'm not complaining because the truth is I'm very happy staying at home since I'm not feeling well because of my cold sores and I feel lethargic too.

( BLAH BLAH BLAH )

We had our second community duty today and it was so tiring because we had to walk around to find the house of our respective assigned clients. Imagine, we only have the names and the streets where they live. Meaning, no exact address! So we have to asked the "nanay", "kuya", "ate", "manong", in the street and looked for this certain Mrs. and Mr.

What happened during the entire duty was not an effective home visit as for my OWN opinion. I and my other classmates haven't got to interview our clients since the houses were too far from each other. If that would be the case, how can we learn or even instill the words "sacrifice" and "patience" under this circumstances? I'm not saying that I wanted to go to each and every client's house kasi nga ang layo at talaga namang nakakapagod but the fact that the attitude of leadership should come first in our clinical instructor. She's okay but I think she wouldn't be an effective CI if she's not going to push us to the things we can do and learn. The fact is, community yan eh. We should all expect that we're going to walk just to pay a visit for these patients/clients.


( Or I was just too unsatisfied??? )

I'm feeling tired and sleepy 'cause it's been two consecutive days that I have to wake up early (6am!!!)... Oo extra challenge sa aga. Actually, I've been waking up 4 in the morning during my high school days since my first class starts at 6:15am but we have to be in school at 6. Pero umaawas kami ng 12nn. Eh ngayon ang awas namin, 5pm. No time to rest & sleep for a while since I've been doing random things (both school and non-school stuffs) and I would just be suprised to see its already 11pm on the clock!

( GIVE ME TIME TO SLEEP!!! )

Maybe when you're really thinking of something and you're pissed of that 'something', you wont get able to go back to sleep...

( That's what happening to me now. )

Okay in few minutes I'm off to bathroom to take a shower. Robbie's swimming party today and I'm going there with Bianca. I might as well bring the vcds back in video city. I got two vcds with penalty which were due yesterday.

( On doubt )

This week isn't that busy and I'm very thankful for that since I can still go out to unwind and freshen up especially now that all the nose-bleeding activities in school are about to come. I mean, we're not yet doing the complicated parts in RLE so I don't have to memorize very much. We had our first retdem yesterday about oxygenation. It was easy since the steps were very simple to memorize plus the fact that our clinical instructor is lenient.

( I forgot! )